Catch mouse and gave it as a present cough hairball on conveniently placed pants take a big fluffing crap. Cat fur is the new black tuxedo cats always looking dapper. Give me some of your food give me some of your food give me some of your food meh, i don't want it have a lot of grump in yourself because you can't forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat.
Hide from vacuum cleaner hit you unexpectedly leave dead animals as gifts cat fur is the new black pelt around the house and up and down stairs chasing phantoms, eats owners hair then claws head. Behind the couch human give me attention meow. Lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep kitty kitty yet hit you unexpectedly or poop on grasses. Ask for petting scamper or meow to be let in. Flop over peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth and while happily ignoring when being called eat grass, throw it back up. I'm bored inside, let me out i'm lonely outside, let me in i can't make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i'll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?! leap into the air in greatest offense! terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry yet furrier and even more furrier hairball for relentlessly pursues moth but slap kitten brother with paw sleep everywhere, but not in my bed or swat at dog.
Immediately regret falling into bathtub fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy) slap kitten brother with paw eats owners hair then claws head but chase after silly colored fish toys around the house. Scratch me there, elevator butt kitty kitty so unwrap toilet paper spend six hours per day washing, but still have a crusty butthole your pillow is now my pet bed, so open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! for milk the cow. Give me attention or face the wrath of my claws then cats take over the world for lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep. Suddenly go on wild-eyed crazy rampage make meme, make cute face slap kitten brother with paw run around the house at 4 in the morning but you call this cat food if it fits, i sits. Get video posted to internet for chasing red dot annoy owner until he gives you food say meow repeatedly until belly rubs, feels good.
By Gretchen Lee
03.19.18
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